Man, I Feel Like A Woman
...and I’m not even mad!
I have a confession to make. A confession and an apology.
It has come to my attention, and is complete news to me... that I, Nathan Fast, wear women's pants.
I need to start with the fact that I didn't make the lady-pants purchase intentionally. I was doing some shopping about six months ago at a Ross. Browsing the men's section, swiping left on countless pairs of khakis, slacks and loose fitting dad jeans. Then, I saw them. They caught my eye in an instant and I immediately lifted the hanger from the rack to check on the sizing. My heart picked up a little with my fingers crossed, hoping that these trendy looking trousers and I would be a match. I flip the tag to see the numbers: 30 x 30. They fit.
I scurried to the dressing room to try them on like a little boy on Christmas who just got a new Batman costume. These pants would make me as cool as Batman. I felt like Batman.
Now, let me stop here to acknowledge the fact that, YES, I knew there were super-skinny black jeans. I was drawn to them because of the fact that they said: Super-Skinny. My wife likes my booty. So, obviously, I aim to please.
Back to the story: I slid the super-skinnies over my regularly-skinny legs and stared at myself in the mirror...in awe. I. Looked. Good. And I knew it, too. It was accentuating all my best features...like my knee caps, my calves...and my booty. I was sold... and rushed to the register to make the best purchase I have made in years.
The second I got home I put on a fashion show for Rebecca as she folded laundry. She wasn't as excited as I was about the pants... but I knew she must just be distracted, because these babies were applause worthy. But I'm a patient and understanding husband, so I let it slide.
Over the next couple months I wore these pants everywhere. To take Rebecca to see The Jonas Brothers in New Orleans (she said I looked better than the Jonas Brothers - it was probably because of the pants), on a couple's trip to Las Vegas with friends, to celebrate Christmas...everywhere! I was starting to wear these Levi's out...they were and still are: my favorite pants.
So about a week ago, I decided I should probably get a new pair online since I wear them so frequently. I hop on Google to find them & type the brand and style into the search bar (https://www.levi.com/US/en_US/clothing/women/jeans/c/levi_clothing_women_jeans/facets/feature-fit_name/710). Levis. 710. Super Skinny. I waited for the page to load.
Guys, I'm not too proud of a man...but when I saw a woman pop up on the Levi’s page wearing my pants...I knew there had to be a mistake. What is this, a late April Fools prank? My pants are very obviously...man-pants. I scroll further: women's jeans. WHAT!?
After further investigation, I accept the fact that my favorite pants are...women's pants. I get nervous thinking about telling Rebecca. Will she make fun of me? Will she make me throw them out? I approach her timidly with the news.
Well, turns out - she is thrilled! She is looking forward to being able to SHARE jeans with me, go shopping together...and think of all the money we will save! I'm in! I am a changed man with a whole new perspective on life...and will confidently say that I, Nathan Fast, wear women's jeans.
Before I leave, I want to take a minute to apologize to my old band-mate Bryce, for making fun of him for wearing emo-style girls jeans back in 2001. I get it, man. I truly get it now.
And that's all for now...I'm off to try on a couple of Rebecca's pairs of pants: she has some ripped-up skinnies I've been eyeballing for a while now. And my hopes are high... Later!
