Don’t Let the Old Man In
By Darrell Calton -CEO Iliad Media Group
My wife shared a story with me the other day she had found on the internet. The story talked about Toby Keith and how he came to write a song that was featured in the Clint Eastwood movie, “The Mule”. Toby Keith recalled an encounter with Eastwood he had while golfing with him in an article from Forbes Magazine.
“We were playing golf,” Keith recalls, “and he was telling me about how he was getting ready to shoot this movie about an old man that ran drugs for the cartel, tried to help his family, and tried to help his community. And I told him, somebody said you have a birthday coming up Monday. And Clint said, “Yeah, on Monday I turn 88.”
Keith asked him how he planned to celebrate and Eastwood said he was going to shoot his movie.
“Oh, you’re going to start shooting it on your birthday?”
“Yep,” Eastwood replied.
So, Keith asked the filmmaker what keeps him going.
“He said, I just get up every day and don’t let the old man in,” Keith remembers. “And instantly, I wanted to write a song about that. So, I came home, wrote it, sent it to him, and now it’s in the movie.”
My wife then played the video of the song and I was immediately hit by two things. The song reminded me of my father, now passed 10 years ago this past March. He was 83. My father was a fun-loving (when my mom let him), hard-working man. He loved fishing, hunting, and telling jokes and stories. He retired early from a forty-year career with a rural electric company to care for her as she had become a raging alcoholic after all of us kids had left. His time in that role left him humorless and sad. A truly miserable older man.
My mom died from that awful disease at the age of 63 in 1995 leaving him alone when he was 65. As hard as it all was on him, one thing began to shine through. As my father dealt with his sadness, anger, and grief, the weight of being that lone caregiver was gone.
He bought himself a cell phone, his first new truck ever, and some fancy prescription sunglasses. He started laughing again and telling jokes and stories. He went with me and my three sons on a fishing trip or two. And he drove to see us some fifty miles away. He stayed in our home with us where he would feed my dog beer on our patio and hang out with the kids while teasing their dad. He was a joy to be with and I had missed the memory of him from when I was young so much it was shocking to me at times, that he had come through the fire and had been returned to us.
At the age of 67 he had his first of three strokes. Then the macular degeneration set in. He started retreating again. He would not go outside because it was too cold, or hot, or bright, or windy. Everything was ‘too”. He gave up watching his beloved Cubs and sunk into CNN and the weather channel.
The neighborhood kids bothered him as they walked by the house doing what kids do. Laugh and make noise. My children had to become fixtures so as not to bother or upset him. The stories stopped and the selfishness born from illness and fear set in. My father closed the door on his family but fully opened the door to what Toby Keith sang about in his song.
The second thing that hit me was this. When, as a 58-year-old man, did I start to say “no”? NO to friends. NO to family. NO to invitations of any kind. When did I start to drag my feet and start feeling cornered when someone wanted to spend time with me? When did I consciously decide to quit golfing, fishing, or stealing some time to have a beer with friends or family? When the hell did I decide it was ok to not seek out new friendships? At what point did I become a work-obsessed drag that did not want to have conversations with my wife because I had already had so many during the day?
Somewhere, somehow I had opened the door and let the old man in. I have made up my mind. While I know I cannot just flip a switch, I do know that I am going to work hard to make sure that the kids, in general, know they are welcome, but that old guy? He needs to get off my damn lawn.
Click below to hear Toby Keith’s “Don’t Let The Old Man In.”